eating disorder recovery

lighthouse down a boardwalk

Every day I am learning more and more about the power of what it means to be able to tell your own story, and the liberating nature of authenticity in articulating your own journey, as well as in capturing the multifaceted experiences subsumed within ideas of an expansive humanness. As a poet, I understand language …

“Am I Sick Enough” Recovery Session – Reflection Read More »

person with long brown hair with a pride flag wrapped around their shoulders

Therapy has helped me unpack years’ worth of trauma and identity issues that plagued me for so long. I am not perfect, I still struggle with disordered eating habits, specifically when I feel lost and out of control within my life.

sunset over the mountains

Therefore, this bucket, dearest friends, is for filling with small sacred things and breathtaking experiences when you’re out and about, and carving out existing outside your comfort zone(s); like watching the sun sleepily wave good morning and goodnight in red hues again and again, hearing your best friend’s deep reaching belly laughter, and thinking about all the warm blanketing hugs you are still yet to receive.

Sometimes the steps back are necessary because it gives you a birds eye view into your own life in ways that can help to gauge what is working and what is not. It helps to illuminate the various different directions that have still yet to be discovered.

I could not speak about it; I was too connected to it, too touched by it to sit down and dissect it with the seriousness it deserved. Under the watchful eyes of my family, I decided that I was already too tired to teach them about the severity and complexities of eating disorders.

Family holidays can be an incredibly stressful if you’re struggling with your eating or body image. Family, food, weather, gifts, shopping…every day seems to bring some new activity, crisis, joy or obligation. So how do you navigate these unpredictable times of year?

I caught my reflection in the mirror.  I quickly looked away, but the image was seared into my brain. Just like a horrible car crash, I couldn’t stop myself from taking a second peek. Then a third and a fourth and a fifth. I don’t know how many peeks I stole, but I know that they were never more than 5 seconds. I also know that I felt worse with each peek.

Setting boundaries and learning to say no is critically important during recovery. Being assertive, openly expressing yourself and setting boundaries takes away a lot of ED’s power.

Whether you’re just starting down the recovery path or you’re long asymptomatic, healing is a long and difficult process that can leave you completely exhausted. Especially when you’ve been in recovery for some time and you’ve heard the same things over and over again, it’s easy to feel like there is nothing new to learn. What I’ve learned over the years is that there is always something new to learn and healing tends to come into fits and bursts.

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